From The Cutting Room Floor
by breaktherules
Summary: The scenes that were left out of 'Noir' for VERY obvious reasons, just read! Second chapter added! This story is being revised.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I do not own NOIR. This story is done in fun and is not meant to be serious at all. _

**-From the Cutting Room Floor-**

_(Scenes that you won't see in Noir; for obvious reasons)_

**Episode 1:**_-'Make a what to the where?' or (Mireille acts like her hair color)_

Mireille stood silently by, and watched as Kirika stared out the window as she sat in her school desk for the last time. The girl would soon leave Japan and fly back to France with the tall, blonde woman.

The mood in the room was quiet and melancholy. Who knew what lay ahead as the two women began their pilgrimage?

Suddenly, the Corsican woman had an impulsive urge to quote something.

"_My Humps, my humps, my humps, my humps -_ _in the back and in the front_."

"_My lovely lady lumps_. _Check it out_!" the blonde began to sing, as she began to move seductively.

Kirika looked over at the blonde woman in confusion. "Mm?" she wondered. (What the hell was wrong with this Mireille woman? Maybe she should just stay in Japan after all!) the Japanese girl thought to herself.

"**CUT!"**

The director yelled and strode over to the blonde angrily . "Of all the things you could have picked-w_hy_ did you pick that stupid song?" he asked in bewilderment.

In response, Mireille just leaned over and stuck her backside in the air, and began to shake it back and forth.

"_I'm gonna get you drunk, get you love drunk off my hump." s_he continued to sing.

(Why me? Why did I decide to work with unbalanced women? And assassin's at that! Why?) the director thought as he walked away, rubbing the back of his neck.

**Episode 2: '**_Stale bread' or ( I went to France and all I got was this lousy T-shirt!)_

Mireille watched as Kirika listlessly pulled at her piece of bread and put it in her mouth. The Japanese girl had hardly touched her plate tonight.

"You know, this is our daily bread, in other words, Heavens blessing. So why don't you eat it as if you're enjoying it?" the blonde woman asked critically.

"But I'm not enjoying it. This bread is stale, the potato's aren't very good and well...um..nothing" the Japanese girl trailed off.

"Well what? What are you trying to say?" Mireille asked firmly.

"You're not a very good cook. Sorry." The younger girl said softly and shrugged her shoulders.

"Hey! It's your fault! You're the one doing crazy knife and fork tricks in the kitchen when I'm trying to cook! I was trying not to get stabbed! Next time you flip a knife, or pull a cake fork **or** any fork on me-I _will kill you!_" The blonde assassin threatened the girl.

**'CUT' **the director screamed. Well, there goes the cozy domestic scene he planned...

**Episode 3:** – _'Black Leather Lady' or (Mireille has Bad Timing)_

The tall lady was dressed in skintight black leather, but sadly, she lay on the floor dying. Mireille really liked her though, and wanted to ask her something before she died.

"What's your name? Do you like blondes?" the Corsican woman asked hopefully.

The black leather lady coughed and gasped. "What's the point in asking? Neither you nor I have a grave on which to carve our names..." she managed to sputter..

Mireille was disappointed. "Does that mean we can't have sex?" she asked, while Kirika looked on in disbelief.

"**CUT!" **the director screamed. ( Too bad the lady in black leather was dying...because this would have made a good porno movie..)

**Episode 4:** _The Sound of Sexism_

Kirika lay out in a dark red bikini that matched her eyes. Mireille sat next to her in a long pale green sundress, brown shoes and a straw sun hat. The women stared silently at the ocean waves crashing against the sand of the beach...

The director thought for a minute, then yelled "**CUT!"**

He turned to his producer.."I think we'd get more viewers if we let the blonde with the boobs wear the bikini instead of the girl!" he suggested as he eyed the two women critically.

"Hey! You there, blonde with the boobs! You have a wardrobe change! You'll get to wear the bikini, and the girl can wear the sundress instead, so both of you go change now!" he instructed firmly.

The Corsican woman didn't like this idea at all. "You male chauvinist pig, how dare you insult me..." she began to yell at the man, as he backed away from her.

Kirika just continued to look at the ocean while the director and Mireille fought. "Mm" she thought. She would have to have a little talk with the director later. She'd have to remember to bring sunglasses and a necktie if needed.

**Episode 5:**– _'Less Clothes' or (Hey Beavis! These two chicks are sharing a bed! heh he)_

Mireille lay on her side and looked over at the plant. She knew the pocket watch was near the plant, but why were the plant and the pocket watch on the table together? 'What could it all mean?' she wondered.

Suddenly, the Japanese girl next to her stretched out in her sleep, and knocked the blonde woman out of the small bed. She hit the floor with a hard thud.

The Corsican woman sighed to herself as she tried to keep her temper.

This happened a lot since she started sharing her bed with Kirika. The damn girl just couldn't keep still! (No wonder I can never get any sleep! And she wonders why I'm cranky in the morning!) she thought irritably.

(That's it- she's sleeping on the floor from now on! It's not like we're ever gonna have sex or anything like that anyway!) Mireille though, as she got up off the floor.

"**CUT!" **the director yelled. "Re shoot!"

**Episode 6: **_Damned Kitten_

Kirika quietly slid into the black car that Mireille had rented for their mission to this cold European country. She was able to slip in the medium sized paper sack before her partner had noticed. They were getting ready to drive back home since their mission was now complete.

The blonde woman looked over at the Japanese girl. "You ready to go?" she asked, then she spotted the bag. "What's in the bag? Please tell me it's not another kitten?" she asked in an annoyed tone.

The younger girl shook her head. "Um-mm." she lied.

Mireille smiled. "Good, now let's leave this cold place!" she said, as she started the car and drove down the road.

As soon as the car began moving, Kirika realized that she couldn't keep the bag from shaking. Soon a loud wail was heard. "MEOOOOOOOOOOOWW!!!"

"What in the world was _that_?" the blonde asked, turning to look at Kirika angrily.

"Eh? I didn't hear anything, Mireille." Kirika lied.

Suddenly, Prince Myshkin broke free from the paper sack and raced around the car in terror. He ran past Mireille and accidentally scratched her on the hand, also scratching up the leather seats in the process as he ran across them.

"Ouch!" The Corsican woman yelled, as she tried to keep the car under control. "Damn it, Kirika, you lied to me! You better hope I get my deposit back on this car!" she yelled. Then she pulled the car off the road and whipped out her Walther P-99 handgun.

"Mireille...NO!" Kirika pleaded, as the blonde looked around furiously for the cat.

"Here...kitty, kitty, kitty..." she called, hoping to draw Prince Myshkin out.

**'CUT' **(No Kittens were harmed in this story..)

**Episode 7:** _The Black Sunglasses of Fate or (Proof that Kirika really isn't so quiet!)_

Mireille stood in the desert sun. She looked beautiful and deadly in her khaki jacket and shorts with a red top underneath. She wore tall black boots and cool black sunglasses. Her blonde hair shone in the sunlight. She was a Goddess. She was a fatal beauty...

"**WAIT!** Why is it that _she_ gets to wear cool things like sunglasses and boots? I have to wear these boring khaki pants, and this old tank top! I'm shot and bleeding in this episode too, and then I get beat up! I'm tired of having this stupid hair and I want cool clothes too! Even Chloe gets to wear that cloak! And why is Mireille's ass always hanging out of her miniskirt? Why don't I get to wear sexy clothes too? It just isn't fair!" Kirika argued angrily to the director.

"Who the heck is Chloe? I'm beginning to think that I should have shot you at the beginning of this episode! And everyone knows that I am the femme fatale of this series- not you!" the blonde woman yelled to the younger girl.

"Yeah right...bossy ass blonde is more like it! Okay, go ahead! and just try to shoot me! Everyone knows I am a much better assassin than you!" the Japanese girl taunted, then stuck her tongue out at the blonde.

"Why you little.!" Mireille screamed in anger, as she ran over to the girl with her gun drawn.

"**CUT!"** the director screamed. "I need you guys to stay _alive_ until ep.26!"

(Damn crazy women! Why did I ever decide to direct a show with mainly women in it?) he thought to himself.

**Episode 8: '**_Uncontrollable Acts 1' or (Hey butthead! The blonde chick is naked in the bed! heh heh)_

Kirika was eating her ice cream cone in a most suggestive way. Mireille tried hard not to think about it as she was trying to inform her partner of some important information. Suddenly though, she just couldn't help herself.

"Do you know any other tricks besides that popcorn one, and the way you are eating your ice cream?" the blonde asked curiously.

"Mmm...sure. I know lots of tricks." the Japanese girl said sweetly.

Later -

Mireille was lying naked in the bed, as Kirika sat beside her dressed.

"Mireille, don't you think it's time you got dressed? It's been fun, but we have a job to complete, remember?" she reminded her partner softly.

But Mireille had fallen asleep. It turned out that learning those tricks exhausted her.

**'CUT'** the director screamed. Then he walked over to the bed and shook Mireille by the shoulder to wake her up.

Once she was awake, he began to berate both women.

"This is not a _Porno_ film! What the hell is wrong with you two?" he demanded.

Mireille was upset."Well, you should have stopped us before you took all that footage, you pervert! I think I'll kill you instead of her at the end of this show!" she yelled angrily.

The director sighed. 'Why?...Why did he get ever involved in this project?'

**Episode 9:'**_Uncontrollable Acts 2' or ( Italian Women do it Better)_

Kirika couldn't believe her eyes. That lilac haired hussy was kissing Mireille! And it looked like her partner was enjoying it.

'I thought they were supposed to be mortal enemies? Why isn't Mireille pulling away?' the Japanese girl thought angrily.

Silvana and Mireille kept on kissing. Soon a red shirt went flying by, followed by a purple dress...

Kirika started to get a crazy look in her eyes as she aimed her gun at the two women.

**'CUT!' **the director yelled. This part wasn't in the script! Only the Italian one was supposed to die in this scene. It seems that keeping the blonde alive may be a harder job than he thought...

**Episode 10:** _'The True Bitch' or (Sorry, Chloe fans! I mean...The best character ever to be in an anime series! )_

"I _am_ the _true noir._" the magenta haired girl told the blonde bimbo- who stood next to her beloved Kirika.

"And _what _does _that'_ mean?" Mireille asked in annoyance.

"That I am much better than you'll ever be! Isn't that right, Kirika sweetie?"Chloe asked, as she stared with obvious adoration at the Japanese girl.

"Mmmm." Kirika mumbled. She hated to be in the middle of this.

"Well, aren't you little Miss Superior?" Mireille sneered, as she reached for her gun...

" You're just a dumb blonde!" Chloe screamed at the bothersome Daughter of Corsica, as she reached for her knives...

**'CUT' **the director yelled. He needed to make sure these three woman didn't kill each other before episode 26. 'Assassin women' he thought...'They're impossible to work with'.

_A/n- I hope somebody find parts of this parody funny. Of course the song Mireille sings in the first ep. is 'My Humps' by the Black Eyed Peas. I do not own Beavis or Butthead. They belong to Mike Judge. The director in this story is of course made up and based on nobody! Review please ...be nice... this is probably made for flames..._


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I Do Not own Noir. I do not own anything in this story. I also do not own a brain. Can you tell? This story is done in fun and is not meant to be serious at all! Characters will act (GASP) OOC :) This story is rated T for stupidity, offensive jokes, sexism,language and shoujo-ai content.  
_

**FROM THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR Part 2**

_Scenes you won't see in Noir- (For Obvious Reasons!)_

**Episode 11- Drunken Tea Party or ( For all the Chloe/Kirika/Mireille fans)**

The blonde slowly began to reach underneath her pool table. Her Japanese partner stood next to her. Both women kept their eyes on the magenta haired girl, who had pushed her way into their apartment.

"Go ahead, take it out. This is your home, after all." Chloe told them softly as she fondled the plant in front of her- her back turned to them.

Mireille quickly whipped out her bottle of vodka, opened the lid and took a giant swig, as Kirika looked at them in confusion.

Suddenly, Chloe turned around. "Is that the good stuff?" she asked, curiously.

"Of course it is! Do you want a drink?" Mireille offered, to the surprise of the tall girl.

"Yes, thank you." she replied, oh so sweetly. "Can we turn out the lights too?"

"Huh?" Kirika asked, as she looked at her partner and Chloe in surprise. (What the heck was going on?) she thought. She would soon learn...

Later-

Mireille and Chloe were lying in the small bed with Kirika between them. All three women were naked and drunk, especially the Japanese girl - who had passed out.

"Mmm, Daughter of Corsica...You aren't as bad as I thought." Chloe purred over Kirika's shoulder to Mireille.

"Mm...neither were you. Wow, that was some hot lesbian sex! Between you and her, I've learned so many amazing new tricks..." the blonde said, tired but happy.

Suddenly, the girl looked at her coolly. "Even so, don't forget that **she** belongs to **me**!" she reminded the Corsican firmly, as she seductively stroked the bare shoulder of the passed out Japanese girl.

"Who the **hell **do you think you are?" the blonde began to yell angrily, as she started to reach for her gun...

"**CUT!" **the director screamed, as he strolled back onto the set. He walked over to his cameraman, who had just filmed the drunken activities of the three women.

"You weren't supposed to film this! None of this is in the script! Damn it, is this what I get for leaving you in charge while I used the bathroom? We have to do this part over now and all these woman are drunk !" he bellowed at the man.

( Stupid, porn -loving cameraman! Insane, drunk, lesbian assassin women! Why me?) he thought in anguish, as he walked over to his trailer for his own bottle of liquor. Seems like he would need it to finish this project.

**Episode 12- Chloe's Boring Mission or ( Sexism- part 2)**

Chloe was excited. The assassin girl was going to be in her **own **episode! She was going to be the **star** of it! She wouldn't have to share the spotlight with that blonde bimbo or her partner. Sure, she had to walk to Switzerland and hang around an old man and smell flowers- but it was going to be all about **her!**

"I'm ready for my closeup." she called to the camera man, posing proudly in her green cloak and holding out her sharp knives for effect.

Meanwhile, the director was in deep conversation with the producer. He nodded to the man and turned towards the film crew.

"**Cut!"** he yelled.

Chloe looked over at him in frustration. "What the hell are you doing?" she asked.

The director turned and looked at her critically. "My producer and I decided that this episode isn't interesting enough. The blonde isn't in this one, and you're too flat chested to interest male viewers. Besides, your main co star is just an old man, and I just don't think anyone cares about seeing you sniff flowers for 30 minutes." he explained.

Chloe began to shake with anger. (She should **kill** this dumb ass.)

The director continued, ignoring the enraged looks the lanky girl was giving him.

"We're skipping this episode so we'll see you back here again for episode 15. You should consider getting a boob job in the meantime. I think it can be done overnight these days." the director suggested.

Then he looked thoughtful as he rubbed his chin..."Wait, Altena is in the end of this episode, isn't she? You and her could have HLS together...it's not in the script but since this episode is so boring, I bet I can convince my producer to write that part in." the director said, sounding pleased with himself for coming up with such a great idea.

"**What?** You are a disgusting pig! Altena and I do not have **that **kind of relationship!" she yelled at him.

Then she flung the knives she was holding, and hit both the director and producer with them. Luckily for the men, they landed in non- vital places.

Chloe stepped over their bodies as they gasped and moaned in pain.

"How dare you treat the **True Noir** this way!" she yelled, as she turned on her heels and stomped away angrily.

The director grabbed his side. The producer gasped beside him, holding the side of his arm. "Why aren't I bleeding? I've been cut, so where the hell is the blood?" the director asked in shock.

The producer groaned. "This is Noir, remember? We can't show blood... especially if you're a man." he reminded him weakly.

"Damn stupid idea..." the director whispered.

"I agree." the producer moaned.

**Episode 13- Season of What the Hell?**

Kirika was walking in the park. She noticed a man dressed in a long red leather jacket with short blonde hair cut in a spiky style. He had on cool sunglasses and had a bag of donuts in his lap. She walked by him slowly.

"Hey, pretty lady! It's a beautiful day, isn't it?" he smiled up at her and took off his sunglasses. "My name's Vash, by the way." he said cheerfully.

Kirika gasped as she noticed he had beautiful blue eyes. They reminded her of Mireille's...

"Um...Vash?" she repeated softly.

"Would you like a donut, my lady?" he asked, as he held the bag out to her.

"Umm" she muttered, as she reached out and took one from the bag.

Later-

Mireille rode by on her scooter. She noticed the young blonde man flirting with Kirika. She peered at him closely. It couldn't be, could it? If it was- he had a 60 billion double dollar bounty on his head! Damn, she could sure use that money!

Later that evening, Mireille looked over at her partner. She needed to find some things out.

"So do you see him often?" she asked the younger girl lightly.

Kirika looked down. "I don't know." she said vaguely.

"Well, you shouldn't see him anymore!" the blonde told her firmly.

The next day-

Mireille was decked out in her assassin outfit of tight red shirt, obscenely short black miniskirt and black heeled boots. She knew that this Vash the Stampede was supposed to be a notorious womanizer. She needed to get to the park and either kill or capture him before Kirika found out.

She spotted him sitting in the grass stuffing his face with donuts. She walked by him seductively, swinging her hips and tossing her long blond hair back.

She looked back to notice that the blond man's mouth was hanging open, his lips covered with the sugar from the donuts. She smiled.

"Hello, beautiful lady! Do you need any assistance with anything? Would you like a donut?" he asked, as he got up quickly and almost tripped on the hem of his long jacket.

Mireille looked at him coldly. "Are you known as The Humanoid Typhoon?" she asked, as she reached in her handbag to retrieve her Walther P-99.

"Aw, man! You guys never leave me alone!" the blonde man whined, as he reluctantly pulled out his silver Colt .45 six-shot revolver.

"Please, pretty lady, don't make me use this." he begged. He didn't like to hurt anybody. He refused to take another's life.

"I need that 60 billion double dollars!" The Corsican told him firmly, as she pointed her gun on him and began to shoot.

The young man was easily able to dodge all of the shots. "Peace and Love! Peace and Love! Peace and Love!" he yelled, to the blonde assassin.

"**CUT!" **the director screamed. He turned to face the author of this stupid piece of fanfiction. "This is the WORST example of self-indulgence I've ever seen! What the **hell** does "**Trigun"** have to do with this episode?" he asked her.

"Aww, but Vash is sooo cute! Plus, I didn't want to cry over Milosh again, ok?" the author of this piece of crap explained to the befuddled director.

Then he walked away, shaking his head...( Nothing worse than clueless redheads...)

**Episode 14- A Bouquet of Bodies for Mireille or ( Proof that Kirka CAN talk!)**

Mireille was dressed in her dark grey coat as she started to leave the apartment. She had some family business with her uncle that she needed to take care of.

"I'm going out." she called to Kirika.

"Where are you going?" the girl asked curiously.

"Just a little errand, you don't need to tag along. You can make yourself useful while I'm gone- water the plant, dust my bookshelves, sweep the floor, clean the bathroom, wash the dishes, do the laundry and have a cup of hot tea waiting for me when I get back." the Corsican instructed her partner before leaving.

A few moments later, Mireille noticed that Kirika was behind her. Damn! She needed her to stay home and do those chores! She turned around and faced the Japanese girl in annoyance.

"Didn't I tell you not to tag along? Go Home." she told the younger girl firmly.

The Japanese girl shook her head "No." she said. She didn't want to do those damn chores.

"Go Home!" the Corsican demanded. Kirika glared at her and shook her head again.

"I said, no! I don't want to stay at home just because you said I had to! Besides, I don't feel like sweeping the damn floor or watering the stupid plant! You can make your own tea too!" the girl yelled, tired of her partner's bossy attitude.

"Why you!.." the blonde yelled, reaching into her jacket for her gun...

"**CUT!"** the director yelled. He walked over to the two women.

"What is wrong with you two? You are either fighting with each other or having sex!" he yelled, as Kirika turned around in disgust and started walking away.

He turned to look at Mireille. " You need to quit reaching for your gun every time you can't get along with your co-stars! You're under contract to stay alive at least until episode 25!" he reminded her. She looked at him coldly and then walked away after her partner.

(Dumb ass women, now they'll probably go have sex...) he thought to himself.

**Episode 15- The Cold blooded Bitch act 1 or (Proof that Kirika LOVES Mireille)**

Taiwan-

Mireille and Kirika were in the middle of a big gunfight. "Cover me!" the blonde yelled to Kirika as she took off after some men.

'MIREILLE!" the Japanese girl screamed, she didn't want her to leave.

The girl was very upset. She really cared for her partner and wanted to have more HLS with her. She needed her...

Kirika ran around in circles, whispering- "Mireille...Mireille"

She wasn't paying attention and ran into a room where a grenade went off. The impact sent her flying out of the room.

"Mireille." the Japanese girl moaned. Then she was ambushed by a man who put a gun to her head. "Mireille.." she whispered, as she prepared to die...

Suddenly, Kirika could hear the sound of knives flying through the air. The man holding his gun on her- screamed out in agony and fell over dead.

"Mireille?" Kirika asked, then looked up.

Chloe stood there in all her smug glory. "Mmm, it seems I'm just in time to help you." she purred to her crush in a seductive tone.

"Huh?" the Japanese girl asked in confusion. "Where's Mireille?"

"I'm going to make you forget about all about that bimbo. Let's go have some HL..."

"**CUT!" **the director screamed. "There's too much use of HLS in this script! It's not funny! Geez, is that all you girls think about?" the director said in disgust, as he shook his head and walked away.

Chloe ran after him. "Hey, I like all the HLS in this script! It's why I signed on for this series!" she complained to him...

**The Cold blooded Bitch act 2 or (Stay AWAY from her NAILS!)**

Shaoli was a pretty confident woman, not only did she look like Faye Valentine, but she had nice long red nails. Killer nails. She loved to show them off anytime she could. Usually she liked to kill men with them, just a little scratch would do the trick. She was always careful not to chip a nail though.

She noticed that the blonde woman she had captured was as good looking as she was. To make matters worse, the blonde had extremely nice manicured nails. They were almost as nice as Shaoli's!

She walked over to Mireille, who was being held captive by her men. She smiled as she brought her nails up to her.

"Look at **my** nails! They are much better than yours, don't you think?" she asked, as she began to run her nails close to Mireille's face.

"Hm, isn't that the latest red shade from Chanel?" the blonde asked, impressed by the color of Shao Li's nails.

The poisonous woman smiled. "Why yes, I just bought it yesterday! Why don't you come to my room and I'll let you borrow it." she offered to the Corsican woman, grateful to find someone who appreciated nail care like she did.

"That would be wonderful. Thank you." the blonde smiled, as the men holding her captive let her go.

"**CUT!"** the director yelled. He walked over to the two women. "The blonde's supposed to be captured and used for bait here, not making plans to paint her nails! Are both you bimbo's **that** shallow?" he demanded.

"You have just insulted me! Do you know who I am?" Shaoli yelled, as she began to chase the director around, trying to poke him with her deadly nails.

Mireille just sighed and walked off the set to find Kirika. Maybe they could have a cup of tea or HLS before the next scene.

**Episode 17- People in Corsica are Mean or (Chloe needs her ass kicked here)**

Mireille had a bad day, a really **bad** day...

Everywhere she went, people looked at her fearfully, or turned their nose up at her.

It was because she was a Bouquet and the most lovely women in Corsica.

Why did everyone hate her just because she was beautiful, tall, blonde, blue eyed, smart, rich and shapely?

She had tried to be so friendly too...

Then she had found out some really disturbing things about her past.

**(This day can't get any worse.) **she thought.

She was **wrong.**

Chloe stood there looking down at her.

"What's wrong, having a bad day?" Chloe smirked. "Well, I am here to tell you that you are nothing. Your partner and I are **True Noir**, so nyahh! Soon, she is going to want to come home to me and you cannot stop her. If you do- **I will Kill you.**"

Then the insane bitchy girl smiled. "But I would rather become friends with you, because after all – you are a child of the Soldats. I knew that this info would make you happy." the tall girl said sarcastically, as she watched the blonde hang her head.

"A child of the ...Soldats?" the blonde whispered. Suddenly she looked up and pointed her gun on Chloe.

"I'll kill you, bitch!" the blonde yelled.

"Bring it on!" the magenta haired girl screamed back, reaching for her knives.

"**CUT!"** the director bellowed. He stomped over to the two women.

"This is getting old, all you two do is fight! Over what – some small flat chested girl who barely speaks and dresses funny? You there, blondie, you could have any man you wanted, even me...you get my drift?" he replied.

Mireille and Chloe looked at each other. They both nodded their heads and began to chase after the director.

"We'll kill you, you sexist pig! How dare you talk about what's her name like that!" they yelled, as gunshots sounded and knives flew through the air.

**Episode 18 – The Darkness inside sweet, adorable Kirika**

Mireille and Kirika were target shooting in an underground tunnel. Kirika went first and as usual, shot with perfect aim. Then it was the Corsican's turn to shoot.

She started thinking about that bitch Chloe, and her own sucky trip to Corsica. She had not had a good week. She thought about how special her partner was supposed to be, how she was going to be **True Noir **with that damned bitch. She was tired of hearing how special the Japanese girl was too...

Mireille suddenly turned her gun on Kirika. The girl looked at her with wide eyes.

"Mireille?" she asked softly, looking confused as usual.

"Look, I'm tired of hearing about your skills and I'm pissed that you're a better killer than me. Since you're so damn **special,** why don't you just leave my sight? Please." the blonde said, being very insensitive and bitchy to sweet little Kirika.

The Japanese girl got a funny look in her eyes. She reached in her jacket and pulled out a toy truck, breaking it and grabbing the wheel axle.

"**Cut!"** the director yelled. He turned to Kirka. "That part doesn't come until later in this episode. She's not the one you're supposed to kill here either! How the hell could you even hurt somebody with that cheap toy anyway?" he asked.

(Hm...sunglasses, neckties, ID cards, toy trucks, dimes, bandages, barbie dolls, banana's, lipstick, stuffed animals...what weird ways to kill.) he thought as he walked away.

**Episode 19 – The Total Stupidity of the Soldats**

Mireille stood and watched in awe as Kirika and that bitch, Chloe fought together against the men. The two girls fought in perfect harmony, every move fluid and graceful as they moved alongside each other...

After the fight was over and all the men were dead, the tall lanky girl began to whisper in Kirika's ear. The Corsican watched in shock. (What the hell did that slut think she was doing?) she thought angrily, as she saw the Japanese girl get a soft expression on her face.

The two girls faced each other and began to move their hands in a strange ritual like move. They both began to repeat a strange chant.

"**This shit is bananas - B -A-N-A-N-A-S !" **then they repeated it again.

**I ain't no Hollaback girl...ain't..no hollaback g..**" they kept on singing.

Mireille couldn't take any more of this torment. Neither could the director!

"**Kirika, stop!" **the blonde yelled, feeling sick at this little display by her partner and that bitch.

"**CUT!" **the director screamed, also sickened by the stupidity of the two girls.

"This is what Altena taught you as the **'True Noir'** chant? How can anyone take you two seriously now?" he asked the girls.

He noticed the blonde was throwing up in the bushes. He went and found his own bush to throw up behind.

( Stupid girls, stupid song- why me? I'm not making enough money for this shit!) he thought, as he finished being sick and stumbled back to his trailer.

**Episode 20 – The Sin within the Sin or (The Bitch is Back)**

This night was just not going well for the Corsican. First, these damn men wearing stupid masks had shot up her apartment, ruining most of her things. Bastards!

Kirika started looking scary and evil as she shot the men. Then, Mireille almost fell off the roof! (What else could go wrong?) the blonde wondered nervously.

Chloe stood in front of her. She had her usual smug smile on her face as she looked at the blonde coldly.

(Great...I knew **she** would show up to completely **ruin **my night!) the Corsican thought angrily, as she stared at her rival.

"Thank you for being with her until now, but it's time for her to go home." The tall magenta haired assassin told her firmly.

"Wait a minute! You're crazy if you think I'm going to let her leave with you!" the blonde yelled.

"Oh yeah? Sorry bimbo, but she's coming with me! I didn't do all this damn walking for nothing, you know! I am going to inherit my destiny with **her **and get some more **HLS **too!" Chloe screamed at the damned daughter of Corsica.

"You insane bitch!" Mireille yelled, as she pointed her gun on the girl.

"You brainless blonde..." Chloe screamed, as she pulled out her knives.

Kirika just looked evil. Verrrry evil...and d...dark...

"**CUT!" **the director bellowed at all three women. (Only five more episodes one of these bitches could die! ) the director thought, hoping he could pull this damn show off.

**Episode 21- Morning without Dawn or ( yeah..right...Final Guidance gunshot)**

Mireille ran over to Kirika who was lying on the ground. That bitch Chloe had just shot her in the head.

"Why the hell did you do that?" the blonde yelled up at the magenta haired assassin.

"Because now she'll leave you and come back to me! Soon, her and I will have HLS every morning, noon and night!" Chloe told the blonde proudly.

"Her name is Kirika, damn you! Not **her**! And she'll never leave me! Never!" Mireille yelled.

Suddenly, Kirika got up and ran off in a daze.

Chloe smirked. "Yuumura, Kirika just ran off and left you..." the tall girl said in a sing song voice. "She was the one who did your parents , you know."

The blonde couldn't stand the sound of the other girl's voice. She got up and began to run after Kirika.

Then it began to rain, and a very sad song called "Indio" began to play. Aww...

Mireille hurried and ducked underneath an awning of a building. She just had her hair done, and it was expensive.

"**CUT!" **the director turned to Mireille. "What are you doing? The music is playing, the rain is falling, the most melodramatic scene is coming up! Get your ass to the graveyard now!" he yelled.

"My hair...it cost two hundred bucks to get it styled. So I'm waiting for this rain to quit falling!" Mireille explained.

(Never work with blonde women again!) the director told himself as he walked away from the set.

**Episode 22- Journey's End or ( I thought this episode would never end)**

A adorable little blonde girl was playing in the street. She had blonde hair and blue eyes, and was happy, even though she lived in a town full of insane people.

But someone kept following her and calling her a strange name. The little girl ran around the corner hoping to lose her.

The Japanese girl had on the ugliest dress she had ever seen. Her eyes were scary too.

"Mireille, I killed them. I don't know why, Mireille." the teenage girl in the burgundy dress told the small girl.

The little girl stared at her. "My name isn't Mireille, bitch." she told her angrily.

"**CUT!"** the director screamed. He walked over to the little girl. "Young lady, why are you using cuss words like that?" he asked.

'#$! #$ off!" the little girl yelled at him as she ran away. Meanwhile, Kirika was walking in a daze, still calling Mireille's name...

The director walked away. He'd have to find another child actor that looked Mireille cause this one was crazy. (Those Soldats, they really liked to mess up their kids!) he thought in disgust.

**Episode 23- Sappiness for the Remaining Sapling or (Kirika finds some words)**

Mireille started to water the plant, but suddenly dropped it. It hit the floor with a thud. The blonde looked down at the plant container on the table and noticed an envelope underneath. She reached out and grabbed the letter with a shaking hand. She slowly opened it and began to read.

Mireille,

While I am gone, I just want to tell you that I **love** you and not Chloe! I'll feel all alone without having HLS with you. If I happen to have HLS with Chloe, please don't get upset. I am not myself lately...whoever I am...

Please don't forget while I'm gone, to pick up my manga from the comic store, feed those stray cats in the alley, water the plant and...

Oh my dear, beloved, cherished Mireille or Daisuki na Mireille...

I just can't express how I feel in writing...or talking...

K.Y

The blonde woman crumbled up the note and began to sob. Damn it! She had to feed those stupid cats **AND** pick up manga from the comic store? To make it worse, Kirika didn't even thank her! Sheesh...talk about gratitude.

She was going to go find her ass and drag her home to do her own chores! Besides, Mireille didn't want to think of Kirika having HLS with Chloe.

She hurried and began to get ready to go to the damn Manor.

**Episode 24 – Dark Return or (Don't Piss off Dark Kirika!)**

Chloe smiled sweetly at Dark Kirika.

Dark Kirika just glared at her.

"Would you like to see my room?" the magenta haired girl asked softly, her heart racing as she hoped it would lead to HLS.

The Japanese girl kept glaring at her with her evil eyes.

(Man, was she HOT!) the tall lanky girl thought. She wanted her **now!**

Chloe smiled as she grabbed the evil girl's hand and dragged her to her room.

Once inside her luxurious, spacious room- the tall girl led Dark Kirika over to her large canopy bed. She scooted next to her and put her arms around her.

"Do you like my room?" Chloe asked, lovingly.

Dark Kirika looked up at the canopy that was hanging over her head, down at the ugly burgundy frock she was wearing, and then at the rest of the room.

Her eyes narrowed into slits as she began to yell at her other half. "Why do **you** have such a nice room? Mine is just some crappy dungeon like room, and how come **you** get a canopy bed?" she yelled, as she got up and stomped over to the double doors of Chloe's closet, and flung them open.

"Look at this, **you** get all these fancy clothes! I have to wear ugly shit like this dress! Altena even bought me ugly clothes when I was living in Japan! It isn't fair! I'm going to **kill** you all in super **violent** ways!" Dark Kirika yelled at the now terrified Chloe.

"**CUT!"** the director yelled. The producer hid behind a camera man, until he could ready the tranquilizer gun. Then he fired it at Dark Kirika, hitting her in the leg.

"Damn you! You're dea..." Dark Kirika yelled, before falling over on her face, the extremely high doses of drugs instantly sedating the now insane and evil girl.

Chloe slumped back, obviously relieved to still be alive...

(Just one more episode...then someone can die!) the director thought..

**Episode 25- The Depths of Dumbness or ( Like this Would EVER happen...)**

Chloe looked at Kirika and the Daughter of Corsica pointing their guns on each other. The blonde **just had** to come **back**, didn't she? She was tired of this crap anyway. She decided that she didn't want the Japanese girl anymore, or to be **True Noir.** She had met somebody better anyway as she was walking around Silicy...

She yawned as the blonde and the Japanese girl ran around, shot at each other and basically had foreplay for assassins. Humph, she was so over it.

She threw down the cake fork and hoped Altena wouldn't be too upset. She looked over past the ruins and saw the lilac hair of her new obsession. Silvana was here and better yet- she liked knives and hated Mireille.

She walked over to the limo that The Intoccabile was riding in and smiled at her.

"What should we do about those two?" Silvana asked, as she looked out at her hated enemy and her partner. The two women were still running around after each other.

Chloe laughed as she climbed into the limo and sat next to the Italian woman. "We'll get our revenge in Noir 2. I'm sure the director is already planning it. It'll explain how you lived and we'll be the **stars **of it!" she reassured her new crush.

Silvana smiled and ran her hand up Chloe's bare leg, since she was still clad in her ritual outfit. Finally- the magenta haired assassin would get what was coming to her.

Then the two insane women had HLS in the back of the limo.

"**Cut!"** the director yelled. He looked at his script. He had fallen asleep for a moment.

Now, Mireille and Kirika were busy having HLS on the ground, and he didn't know where the hell Chloe had went. Someone was supposed to die this episode. Oh well, he'd just have the blonde and her partner kill a bunch of Soldat nuns plus that red head.

Damn..that would still be next episode. He shouldn't have fallen asleep. Oh well...

**Episode 26- Birth or ( A Mystery FINALLY Solved! )**

The tall blonde woman and small Japanese girl, leaned against each other as they slowly limped away. Amazingly, they both had survived their trip back to the Manor.

Kirika looked up at the blonde. "What are we gonna do now, Mireille?" she asked softly.

The Corsican looked down at her with a smile.

"I'd like to go back to Paris and have more hot sex with you. We'll talk about the rest later." the blonde told her seductively.

The Japanese girl smiled. "Sure." she readily agreed.

"You are going to show me some more tricks, you know!" Mireille reminded her.

The younger girl just looked up at her lovingly and nodded.

"**CUT!" **the director yelled. He walked over to the two women with an annoyed expression.

"That's **not** in the script! Is **sex** the only thing you two think about? Damn lesbians! What is wr..." he began to yell at the two young women.

Suddenly, you could hear two gunshots. One was from a Beretta and one was from a Walther P-99.

The camera panned down to find the director lying dead on the ground.

Quickly, the scene changed to show a picture of Mireille's broken pocket watch.

**END**

_Hi!_ _Author here! Now_ _we _ _finally know_ _what_ _the_ _final_ _gunshots_ _meant! _:)

_Just_ _don't_ _ask me_ _where the_ _hell_ _they got_ _the_ _guns_ , _ok_?

_**Mireille and Kirika Forever!!!**_

A/n- Yes, it's stupid, I know:) It was hard for me to make these episodes funny. The song in ep.19 – is "Hollaback Girl" by Gwen Stefani. I love you, Gwen, but that song is stupid:/

Vash the Stampede is from "Trigun" and belongs to Geneon and Yasuhiro Nightow. Faye Valentine is from 'Cowboy Bebop'. (Again, sorry...)

HLS stands for 'Hot Lesbian Sex' and I'm sorry if I overused it (smirk). Hopefully, some part of this was funny to somebody? Yeah, I used random bolded text- Sorry!

Please review..be nice...no flames...


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